


A Dream

by WolfGirl112 (TheBlackShadow1210)



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, POV Mike, Slash, Suicide Attempt, Top Mike, bennoda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 03:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18957163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackShadow1210/pseuds/WolfGirl112
Summary: He doesn't know what's going on with him.He doesn't know when and how it all started.He doesn't know why.All he knows, is that he lost his mind. He lost his mind for his best friend.





	A Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> It's my first slash story ever and I wasn't sure about posting it but my friend convinced me somehow. :)
> 
> Just a few things about the story:   
> It's a one-shot slash and everything is in Mike's POV. Timeline of the story - maybe somewhere near Minutes To Midnight but the time doesn't really matter. I think that's everything. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Linkin Park and anything related.
> 
> Warnings: Mild mature content, angst

He doesn't know what's going on with him.   
He doesn't know when and how it all started.  
He doesn't know why.  
All he knows, is that he lost his mind. He lost his mind for his best friend. 

He is sitting in his room now, watching some old pictures of them. He likes seeing them, because his friend's smile always makes his day. It makes him happy.

He is sure that it's silly, ridiculous even, because they both are married, they both have families they love so much. But he just can't help it.

Thoughts are flooding his mind, and nothing is going to save him from drowning in them. He has fallen for his best friend.

That's true, that's the fact he can't deny, although he should, he even tried. He still does but it has no effects.

He knows it has never been meant to happen. Close friends, that's all they have always been. That's all they should remain. Nothing more.

He can't get anything together. Everything seems to be so chaotic that he can't stand it.

He sighs and fingers his hair. His head is throbbing and his mind is in denial. He isn't gay, he can't be. He's never fallen for a man. Especially if the man happens to be his best friend.

He doesn't want to accept it, but he can't forget either. His world is spinning and he can't catch his breath. Random pictures are running across his head, they all are blurry. He tries to stop thinking. There is no point in it, though.

He looks at his ring, a symbol of his commitment to the woman he has always considered his soulmate. The woman he thought he loved with all his heart.

And now? What now? Are all these years just a waste? Are they only lies he used to believe in? He really is happy with her. It has never been his imagination. They are a perfect couple, they never argue, they always listen to each other.

He is confused. He doesn't know what's wrong with him. His emotions have never played with him in the way they are doing it now. He can't love a man. It isn't possible.

He tries telling himself that it's just a phase, that it will not last, that he only admires him. He tries convincing himself that he only loves him as a friend and no one more. 

But it's a lie, he already knows it is. No woman has ever made him feel like he does when he's near him. No woman has ever been able to make him smile in a few seconds. And no woman has ever haunted his mind and tormented his soul like he does.

He's never dreamt about anyone that much.

What would Anna say? He cannot hurt her, he cannot hurt them. They are happy together.

Right?

They have always been happy together. Good, peaceful marriage, that's all it's ever been. No one can say any bad word about them, because they have always been perfect. 

... Right?

He sighs again and approaches the window. The sunlight touches every corner of the street, and he knows he should feel relaxed.

Yet, he doesn't. 

Because he's fallen for his best friend.

***

He is watching him on the stage, and then, talks to him after the concert. They share a laugh, and he can't stop glaring at his shining dark eyes, he can't get this beautiful smile out of his head. 

He tries not once, of course, but everything is in vain. His mind is shrouded in the feeling of delightful ecstasy as he watches his every move. 

He hears him joke about random things. He hears him sing in his amazing, powerful voice and he wonders if this is how angels sound.

They laugh again and he sees him walk away. He can't stop looking. He can't stop feeling.

He thinks about him all day long, and when Brad asks him what's the matter, he blames his exhaustion for his lack of concentration. He hopes no one sees what's really wrong. He wants to keep it a secret, because it's better for everyone.

Later that day, he watches him walk up and he is invited to the cinema, as friends. Because that's all they are. Friends.

He agrees although not without doubts. He knows that being near him hurts. His heart is seeking for something he won't find - for love he's been trying so hard to forget about. 

There is no way to forget, though, and he just must get over it. 

But it never goes away. He still thinks about him. Every night when he closes his eyes, he sees his soft face. His bright laughter rings in his ears and it makes him feel guilty.

When Anna tries to talk to him and asks what's going on, he doesn't answer. He says he just has had a few stressful days.

But days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months and nothing really changes.

***

When a year passes, he becomes aware he can't do this any longer. Seeing him pains as nothing else, and the view of him with his happy family breaks his heart to little pieces.

He starts avoiding him, and every time someone asks, he still lies. Because he can't get over it. He is hurting so deeply by his presence. 

He keeps holding on to the lies. He doesn't see any other way. Because they've been best friends, they've been best buddies. Co-workers and happily married to beautiful women people. Not lovers, they can't be lovers.

He leaves the studio so soon, ignoring his questions and pleas to tell him the truth. He knows he is worried. He knows it hurts them both. But there's nothing else to do. When they aren't together, it doesn't pain as much.

They are destined to be friends, not anyone more, no matter how much he'd like to have him for himself. No matter how much he loved him. He could bring him the most beautiful stars if it meant being together. But he can't. 

It isn't right. It has never been so he only watches him in shadows, hoping to remain unnoticed. 

***

The band goes on a tour. They rehearse but every time he stays alone with him, he leaves without a word. He doesn't even say goodnight. 

He avoids him, but keeps on looking at him at each concert. He listens to his voice and gets frustrated with himself. 

He would die to hear his voice say what he has always wanted to hear from him. It never happens though, and their relationship becomes strictly professional. They don't talk as they used to.

He keeps on ignoring him until he finally meets him outside the hotel, crying in the dark corner.

He wants to pass by blindly but something stops him. He cannot. Because he loves him more than anything else. And he can't do this anymore.

He crouches next to him and places a hand on his shoulder. He asks what's wrong and can't stop the sudden wave of concern. He wonders if he made him cry, because he's been hurting him for so long, but he still can't see any other solution.

"Talinda wants a divorce." he chokes out through the heartbreaking sobs. 

He frowns and looks at him, watching his tears as they fall down on the cold concrete. He is listening to the sounds of his crying and he feels his heart as it is being ripped off his chest.

He helps him get up and pulls him into a hug. He knows it feels wrong, but he can't help thinking how good it is to touch him like this. He feels his shivering body within his arms and is trying to give him as much warmth as he can.

He shouldn't be happy about that, but he is, which makes him feel like the worst person that lives in this world. 

He takes him to his room, letting him stay for the night. They talk and he becomes aware how much he's missed him.

They eat dinner together and watch a horror movie. His friend gets startled and he wraps him with his arm. They share another laugh and he sees how perfect they would look together. 

He holds the tears off and tries to pretend. He's doing this for another two hours until they finally go to sleep. 

He smiles as he is watching his chest move calmly to the sounds of his breathing. 

He closes his eyes, not being able to throw the pictures of them out of his head. 

He falls asleep thinking about him. His dreams are making him both excited and frustrated. 

***

He wakes up early in the morning just to see he's alone in the room. He frowns and looks around.

He can smell something like eggs from the other room. He heads there and sees him. His friend greets him with a smile that is shining so bright in the whole room. He can't help it and he answers with the same

He learns that he had ordered food.

He eats breakfast with him and starts wondering how it would look like if every morning was like this. The thought makes him both happy and depressed because he knows it is never going to happen.

He is listening to his singing as he is taking a shower. He smiles and claims it's the most amazing sound he's ever heard.

He wants so badly to join him and kiss him just like that. He wants to hug him and never let go. 

But he can't and it still hurts so he only stands in front of the closed door to the bathroom.

***

After one of the shows he is stopped by him and taken to the hotel room. 

He wonders what's going on but doesn't speak. The door closes and they are silently staring at each other. He can feel his heartbeat. He is afraid the truth has been found and he wants to cry.

He swallows thickly and hears they need to talk. He nods, not sure what to do. He wants to run but his legs are too weak.

He is sweating. They get closer to each other and he can't stop staring at his soft face. 

In the light of a lamp, he now spots dark bags under his eyes and how tired he looks. He spots his tears but still doesn't say anything. He feels wrong because he knows it's been his fault.

"There's something I have to tell you, Mike." he finally whispers and their gazes meet. He just can't turn away from his beautiful and deep chocolate eyes although he is trying to.

He can't bring himself to respond so he lets the silence take over. Being alone with him in one room makes him feel everything at once. He is fearful, delighted, frustrated and happy. He isn't sure if he should stay here because the emotions are smashing him. It isn't good for him.

"What is it?" he eventually speaks up but his voice doesn't sound like he would want it to.

He is watching him blush and he finds it adorable. He wants to throw his arms around him, he wants to squeeze the air out of his lungs because he looks absolutely fabulous today. 

He doesn't know what to do or what to say. He simply waits longer and frowns.

"I--" his friend begins shyly but then stops and he is taken aback when suddenly their lips meet.

He doesn't move for a moment and he even can't because he is in a huge shock. He looks down at him, feeling his tongue as it tries to find an entrance to his mouth. He allows him to go deeper and closes his eyes.

He is holding his breath until he can't feel air in his lungs any longer.

They separate and are looking at each other, both surprised how the events turned out. 

He is confused, and he can see he's not the only one. He wants to say something but can't find any words.

"I-- I--" his friend chokes out and he spots his tears on his cheeks. "I ruined everything, didn't I?" his jaw is clenched tightly and he turns away to run.

He wants to shout something and stop him but he forgets how to speak. 

He grabs his hand before it's too late and simply pulls him close. His palm is buried in short hair and he is kissing him again. 

For a second, he thinks it feels awesome, and he forgets about his worries. He forgets about his marriage and the outside world.

He doesn't care about anything else because he loves him so much. He wants to smell him, to breathe together with him. He wants to touch and feel him.

He closes his eyes and his other hand rests on his beautiful cheek. He hears him moan and he would like to tell him how much it means to him, or how long he's been dreaming of this moment. But he can't because his voice still hasn't returned.

He can't stop himself now and he pulls him onto the bed. They don't stop kissing and touching. His body is on fire and he wants to take him. He rips his shirt off and kisses him passionately. 

He hears him moan and they both are sweating now.

His skin is soft and body beautiful. He can't stop admiring every inch of him.

They are dancing together to the rhythm of their heartbeats and he knows one thing for sure - he loves his best friend. 

"Ch-Chester..." he finally breaths out and smiles widely, he's panting.

They are lying next to each other, they are hugging and he isn't planning to let him go.

He closes his eyes and hears him say one more thing.

"I love you, Mike." he whispers softly but he doesn't respond, because he is busy wondering if that isn't another one of his dreams.

But he feels him in his arms, he hears him breathe calmly and he knows it's real.

They fall asleep in the warm embrace.

But when he wakes up, he finds he's alone, and there is no one else in the quiet hotel room. 

He stands up and yawns, feelings start tormenting him. He can't stop thinking about the night and he wonders what exactly happened.

He walks up to the drawer and sees a piece of paper. He takes it with a deep frown. He's reading it and with each second, he's getting weaker.

"I ruined everything, I'm sorry."   

His face features turn into grimace of pain and he fingers his hair. He feels awful because he should have told him he loved him too.

He sits down on the bed and cries.

***

Two weeks pass and he hasn't heard from him yet. He's worried but eventually decides to give him time to think. He doesn't know what to do either.

Anna finally learns the truth because he wants to be honest with her. She isn't angry but heartbroken. He says he was sorry. He says he didn't mean to hurt her, but he knows it doesn't matter, because he cheated on her. He loved someone else.

She doesn't throw him out of their house but she tells him to choose. He can't blame her, he understands her and is still surprised she doesn't hate him.

He still loves her, but one part of him already belongs to someone else, to the man he's known for so long. To the man who's stolen this special place in his heart. 

He still thinks about that night. He enjoyed it although he knows he should never have let that happen. They shouldn't have kissed in the first place.

But he couldn't stop himself and it would be a lie if he said he regretted it. 

He used to hate himself for falling for him, for being who he is, but he eventually accepts that because he can't change it. He doesn't even want to change it. Not anymore.

He tells himself that he was lucky to have fallen in love with him, even if he was a man and his best friend. 

He accepts that because he isn't different. He just loves a man. And love is beautiful in every form.

He smiles as the thought of them being together runs across his mind and he realises that he misses him. He feels lonely without him. He needs and wants him.

He still can feel his short hair in his hand. He still can feel his soft lips and his gentle touch. The memories of the amazing night set him on fire and he wants to see him.

But he has no idea where he is hiding. He doesn't answer the phone and when he asks other bandmates if they had seen him, their replies are negative. 

He seriously starts to worry.

***

He learns about the attempt a few hours later. Fear is squeezing his throat to the point he can't breathe steadily. Sobs are choking him and he has never been in such hurry.

He heads to the hospital because he must see his face once again. He must hear his beautiful voice and feel his gaze upon himself one last time.

He wants to kiss him, to tell him everything he's been bottling up inside for so long. He wants him to know that he has always been his shoulder to cry on, his sunshine and motivation to go on every single day.

He wants him to know that he loves him like nothing else, that he wants to spend the rest of his life beside him. 

He arrives rather quickly and immediately runs into the room.

He sees him sitting on the bed. They are staring at each other silently. He promised not to cry but he can't. He can't because he almost lost him.

He rushes to his side and looks into his brown eyes.

"Chester..." he whispers and, not turning his gaze away, takes his cheek into his gentle grip. He smiles through tears. "I've been worried." he admits and watches him start to cry as well.

"I'm sorry." he apologizes quietly and he only shakes his head. He can't listen to these sobs.

"Don't. I am sorry." he pulls him into a hug and feels him relax. His arms wrap his back and they don't need words. 

He is holding him tightly, smelling his cologne that is mixed with some sweat. He rubs his back and starts cradling him as if to sleep. He is happy to have him this close.

"I thought I ruined our friendship." he whispers in his arms, he's shaking. He only soothes him with more words.

"You didn't." he informs and tightens the embrace. "You made me see what I really want. What I really need."

They look at each other, he wipes his tears away and can't stop admiring the depth and beauty of a pair of brown eyes that are staring at him.

"And... what is that?" the singer asks and he smiles, certain of every little thing that used to torture his soul not long ago.

"You."

Their hands touch and fingers wrap around one another. 

He hugs him once again, not caring about the fact they are in the hospital now. He just wants to give him warmth, to share with him his happiness.

When they separate, he kisses him without a warning and knows this gesture left him in shock. But despite that, Chester accepts his warm lips and let their tongues dance with each other once again.

He wraps his arms around him and moans as the sudden pleasure takes control over him. He would like to make love to him right now but he knows it's impossible. He must satisfy his lust with these simple kisses. Not that he is complaining, he's not, that's all he really needs at the moment - his presence.   
    
He feels him hide within his chest, and he allows him to get cosy. 

He doesn't think about the past. Because what is now really matters. And now, he is sitting with the man who warms his heart up, who takes all his worries and fears away. He is sure they can do anything because when they are together, the world is theirs to claim.

He doesn't regret anything. And he won't ever, because it all is how it should be, it all is exactly what he's been dreaming of. 

"Chester..." he whispers and smiles widely.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."


End file.
